|

The
urge to push suddenly became overwhelming as the words of mothers before
me reverberated in my head: ‘labour was worse than the Spanish Inquisition,
fantastic, mystical, hell, it would all come to an end sooner with every
contraction, it was like being turned inside out, comparable to Chinese
burns, only one day in your life.’ As the contractions started to
slow down, I thought no, no, no we’re not going in reverse. So each
time I pushed a little harder and wailed a little louder. The midwives
told me to reach down and feel your head which was incredibly soft…and
finally you and all the fluids in my body came splashing and gushing out,
and the relief I felt can only be described as pure ecstasy. 6 January
2005, Anina, 2 weeks old
Nothing
prepared me for the range & depth of emotions that pregnancy, childbirth
and parenthood have brought. Never have I felt so exhausted, so fulfilled,
so frustrated, such raw vulnerability and such unadulterated love. Nor
have I ever felt so connected to the human race, but also incredibly wary
of it.
For
the past few years, I have been recording these feelings and observations
as letters to my young children. How we communicate via correspondence
has been a recurring theme in my work, particularly the role that letter
writing has played in sustaining and nurturing personal relationships.
Electronic mail and messaging have certainly had a huge impact on communication
but cannot compare to what transpires in the intimate act of putting pen
to paper.
After
reading Sara Symmons’ Goya: A Life in Letters, where she
discusses the 18th century belief that ‘familiar letters should
be informal, artless, and natural…talking upon paper where the purity
of emotions (is) expressed and unrestrained,’ I felt compelled to
create a body of work based on excerpts from these journals. I approached
the works with the same informality and honest emotion as with my journal
entries, hoping to communicate something very personal, but also universal,
about the complexity of human relationships. |